Officially, my medical leave started last April 14 when I had my dilation and curettage procedure or D&C for short or more widely known locally as raspa. It was not scheduled. I don’t know what was I thinking but I thought it won’t happen until last week. Had I known that the D&C could happen that soon, I would have prepared a transition plan at work. I am thankful for the opportunity to slow down. I am thankful for the 2 month paid leave from work. I am thankful for my understanding and supportive boss, team and colleagues. But still, I can’t help but feel guilty for the work that I had to suddenly had to pass on to them. I just hope the work-at-home tools and accesses that I requested for will be granted soon.
On the first week of my ML, the long leave did not sink in yet. I had the procedure done in Medical City. Franco stayed with me. And then Holy Week. To me, it just felt like a longer than usual long weekend. It was last week when I realized that I am blessed with a lot of time in my hands. In some ways, I am lucky that we lost our baby in summer. If it happened during the school year, I would be sulking at home with no Aki to keep me entertained. He is just so chatty and energetic that he won’t let me feel depressed nor will let me get some rest. Mega thanks also to Ate Doring. Imagine going through an emotional rollercoaster and still having to clean the dishes. I am also grateful that even if the sun has never been this powerful, we live in a breezy corner allowing us to get some work done instead of living in the airconditioned cave that is our bedroom.
Here is what I did for the first 3 days of my leave (April 21-23)
Coached/tutored/bribed/threatened Aki to write his name and his A-Z.
I am happy to report that his handwriting has improved significantly since the start of summer.
Made pandan gulaman ice candy
Got more hands on in menu planning although I was too lazy to cook.
Hosted a late Easter egg hunt for Aki and his village pals.
Used reverse psychology to make Aki eat veggie straws or kangkong stems. The more I said that he is not adventurous enough or he is not fast enough to eat them in X seconds, the more excited he got to accept my challenge.
Was forced to listen and understand the anatomy and powers of the Kurinte (Kuryente/Electricity) Dragon and of the Snapzord.
Fell in love with Sophia the First and memorized a Hi-5 song. Robot Number 1….
Made a giant bubble solution and failed and succeeded. The first solution turned into a fly catcher but the second one was a major success! Will blog about it soon.
Watched Wreck-it Ralph at least 5 times.
Spent time at the garden. Ate Doring is doing a wonderful job taking care of our tomato, lemongrass, citronella,cilantro, pandan, kinchay, eggplant, ampalaya, chili and calamansi plants. I am super excited for our tomatoes. We have planted them many times before and many times we failed. We planted seeds of the native kamatis I blogged about here. We have at least 15 tomato seedlings now. I hope at least one of them lives long enough to bear fruits.
Watched two movies on time travel — Time Traveler’s Wife and About Time.
Finally finished Power of the Praying Wife. Next book on my list is Power of the Praying Parent. Hope I can attend a PPW prayer meeting soon.
Reopened my barbershop. What do you think?
Manned the Aki’s Ice Candy Store and saw Aki do his happy dance when he reached his quota. I told him that he sells 10 ice candies that day, we are going to turn on the aircon that night. At 6PM, he only had 5 sales. The grandparents who probably imagined that their unico apo soaked in sweat at night, chipped in and bought 5 more.
Held a rainbow in my hand. I will blog about the simple steps on how to make your own rainbow separately. At first, I thought it was so cool to make rainbows in our ceilings and walls but when I caught the rainbow in my hand, I felt warm tears rolling in my cheek. How weird that I can hold a rainbow in my hand but I can’t even touch my own baby.
Wondered what it is like in heaven. How old is Emily in heaven? Will she get older ? I imagine her to be living with my dad and paternal grandparents. Mama, my dad’s mom, who used to put on her make up and curl her hair right after breakfast even if she won’t be going anywhere, probably will teach Emily how to use the Spray-Net before my darling daughter turns ten. And Papa probably buys her Chips Ahoy before they visit his pigs, one of which is named Emily. And my dad is probably giving her an on the job training on how to be friendly and extremely charming. His bestfriend told me that when my dad was still alive, as soon they reach the welcome arch in Bigaa, a barangay in Cabuyao that is occupied mostly by relatives, he would drop off and visit each and every house. My bestfriend Jojie who died a few months before Franco and I got engaged is her godmother in heaven. I imagine Jojie and Emily having trips to heaven’s version of the ASAP studio. Almost no one in my family can sing so I hope Jojie brings her goddaughter to her church choir practices. Her first song is not Twinkle Twinkle or ABC. Emily’s first song and she can sing this flawlessly just like Jojie is Just Get Here. Emily has a lot of friends in heaven. The kids of my friends who also miscarried are her playdate friends.
Life has to move on after the miscarriage. Most of the time, I feel like I am back to my old self but there are moments when I can’t stop thinking of the baby I will never get to kiss and cuddle. I just take comfort in knowing that my family here on Earth and in heaven is happy and loved.