The movie which was adapted from a book is about 4 year-old Colton’s near-death experience. While he was in the operating room, he went to heaven. In heaven, he sat on Jesus’ lap. He asked the angels to sing We Will Rock You. He met his older sister who died in their mum’s tummy. At this point, I could no longer stop my eyes from crying. A lot of the questions in my head were answered thru this movie. Thank you, PLDT Home DSL for the tickets and to Erlaine for the referral. 🙂 Continue reading “Of Heaven and Stronger Family Connections”
Here is a quick science experiment that you easily can do with your kids.
I got the instructions from this heaven=BookSale sent book. For only 15 pesos, you get a 50+ projects that will surely get your kids more interested in science. Aki is into experiments lately so this book is just perfect for him.
You only need a a pair of scissors, paper napkin, thread, tape, small toys and paper clips.
Tape the ends of the thread to the corners of the napkin. Make sure the threads are of the same length. Gather the other ends of the thread. Tie them into a knot and attach a toy or paper clips.
Voila! You have a parachute!
Go up the stairs and release.
Mummy, I am a lover. You are a dreamer. And Daddy is a farter.
I had been asking Aki to go to the dining table and eat for like 4 times. He was happily busy playing with his toys and was pretending not to hear me. Can’t remember what he was playing with but I remember distinctly the sound effects that he was making.
Mummy (in my pretend angry tone) : Aki! I will count 1-5. If you are not here yet… One.. Two…
Aki rushed to the table.
Aki(excitedly): I am here na!!
Me: Thanks. Next time you listen to me right away. Let’s eat.
Aki (looks at his plate, obviously not happy with the food and suddenly changes his facial expression from excited to sad): Sorry, Mummy. I can’t eat because I am sad. I am so sad because your daddy died.
We never run out of excuses! Now he is using my dad’s death 30 years ago not to eat.
Aki: I want to make a card for Babita (Franco’s mom).
Me: She’ll love that! What is your message for her?
Aki: I love you Babita. I really really love you. Thank you, Babita. I love you more than Lolo Tay (Franco’s dad)
Aki just saw the 3D ultrasound picture of him when he was still in my tummy.
Aki: I was gold?
Family Day = Weekend; Office Day = Weekday
Aki:Is it family day today?
Me: No, today is Monday. It is an office day. Yesterday was family day.
Aki: Huwaaat?! It should be family day, family day, family day, office day office day, family day, family, family day
I have a surprise for you…
It is a secret…
It is in my school…
I can’t tell you…
It is a heart with many colors…
I will not tell you my secret…
Me: My tummy hurts!
Aki (smiling ear to ear): Maybe there is a baby in your tummy!
Me: We have to go to the doctor to be sure
Aki (suddenly becomes concerned) Let’s not go to the doctor. Go to the toilet. I think it is just poopsie.
Mummy, when I grow up I want to be an adult…
Officially, my medical leave started last April 14 when I had my dilation and curettage procedure or D&C for short or more widely known locally as raspa. It was not scheduled. I don’t know what was I thinking but I thought it won’t happen until last week. Had I known that the D&C could happen that soon, I would have prepared a transition plan at work. I am thankful for the opportunity to slow down. I am thankful for the 2 month paid leave from work. I am thankful for my understanding and supportive boss, team and colleagues. But still, I can’t help but feel guilty for the work that I had to suddenly had to pass on to them. I just hope the work-at-home tools and accesses that I requested for will be granted soon.
On the first week of my ML, the long leave did not sink in yet. I had the procedure done in Medical City. Franco stayed with me. And then Holy Week. To me, it just felt like a longer than usual long weekend. It was last week when I realized that I am blessed with a lot of time in my hands. In some ways, I am lucky that we lost our baby in summer. If it happened during the school year, I would be sulking at home with no Aki to keep me entertained. He is just so chatty and energetic that he won’t let me feel depressed nor will let me get some rest. Mega thanks also to Ate Doring. Imagine going through an emotional rollercoaster and still having to clean the dishes. I am also grateful that even if the sun has never been this powerful, we live in a breezy corner allowing us to get some work done instead of living in the airconditioned cave that is our bedroom.
Here is what I did for the first 3 days of my leave (April 21-23)
Coached/tutored/bribed/threatened Aki to write his name and his A-Z.
I am happy to report that his handwriting has improved significantly since the start of summer.
Made pandan gulaman ice candy
Got more hands on in menu planning although I was too lazy to cook.
Hosted a late Easter egg hunt for Aki and his village pals.
Used reverse psychology to make Aki eat veggie straws or kangkong stems. The more I said that he is not adventurous enough or he is not fast enough to eat them in X seconds, the more excited he got to accept my challenge.
This was one of those days that I thanked God for sending mommy friends. I think it was last year when my college batchmate slash then-officemate slash mommy friend, Shar shared that her darling daughter asked the same question. Because Shar shared her experience, I was able to immediately and confidently answer Aki’s question without panic or doubt.
One of the topics that I find somewhat challenging to document are playdates. There are just so many things that I want to say but I can’t find the right words and pictures to tell the story. So…… I am reblogging Juvvy‘s post on our first ever meetup.
We met thru blogging about a year or 2 ago. Juvvy has been sending thoughtful gifts all the way from Cebu. Am so glad we finally got the change to meet personally. Because of our blogs, we skipped the awkward introduction part and jumped right to the chika part. We read each others blogs so we both felt that already know each other.
Juvvy captured almost everything I want to remember about our first playdate. There are just 2 that she missed. One, she gave the sweetest giftssss. So sweet that Franco whispered to me that our gift for them looks so cheap compared to what we got. Haha. Two, Juvvy and I plus our our hubbies, were partially stunned when we looked at the prices on the menu. And it just showed that we were very comfortable with each other because we talked and laughed about the shock brought by the prices. That is something Franco and I almost never do with people we just met. Unfortunately, transferring to another resto was not an option because the kids and the parmesan cheese were inseperable.
It was so nice meeting you, Liam,Dino and Juvvy!
Thank you Tita Ninang Leah for taking our pictures
Oh yes!! At long last, we were able to meet Familia Kiki during the holidays when we were in Manila (yeah, this is another late post. Sowee). Leah, my SIL, was the one who introduced me to their blog, and I got hooked to their site ever since. I even wished that we’re neighbors. Hehe
With only a few days in Manila, I was glad that they are also available on the date we set. I’ve let Maqui do the planning (Thanks Maqui! :)) as this was the first time Liam (we) will have a playdate. We agreed to meet in Book Sale MCS, since it was books that made us bond on the first place.
Am doubly glad that Leah is also available and offered to be the photographer that day (Thanks Ninang!!). hehe I will not make this text heavy and will let the photos tell…
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Do you love hashbrowns? I do! I do! I do!
If only they were available for 24 hours and if only they don’t cost as much as they do, I would probably be munching on hashbrowns every blessed day.
A not so-close second to my top favorite potato list are french fries.I can eat them even if I am already full. I think the combination of salt and starch makes me crave them even if I know that fries aren’t the healthiest food in the world.
Good news to potato lovers like me. I just discovered a healthier version of hashbrowns. I am sooo getting a Noble Prize for this. You get the crispy-creamy combination but only using a tablespoon of butter instead of several cups of oil. My heart hearts me so! Whereas hashbrowns cost 25 pesos in fast food chains, I only spent 35 pesosesoses (cost of half a kilo of potato as of today), for 10 hashbrowns. But wait there is more. Lastly, no need to beat the 10AM cut-off for breakfast meals, because you can make hashbrowns anytime at the comfort of your own kitchen. Thank you, thank you, thank you. Please sit down.
Oh wait, this standing ovation that I am picturing in my head is making me feel guilty. To be 100% honest, the original idea is not actually mine. A reader of Cook’s Illustrated shared in the Quick Tips section of the magazine that she knows someone who makes hashbrown using a secret kitchen appliance, the waffle maker. Yup! I looked for recipes online but the ones that I found were too complicated. I don’t have time to dry my grated potatoes nor am I willing to go out to buy several seasonings.
So this is how it feels to miscarry
So this is how it feels to say goodbye when you did not even had the chance to say hello
So this is how it feels to love someone whom you will never get to meet
So this is how it feels to try to cancel your hopes, dreams and plans
So this is how it feels to be deliriously happy and then be suddenly indescribably sad
So this is how it feels to prepare yourself for bad news but actually hearing it still felt like a dementor attack
So this is how it feels to hold back the tears when your heart feels like exploding because the doctor still need to take some measurements, because you still need to wait for the report, because the cashier is 5 floors down
So this is how it feels to thank God profusely for granting your prayers and then weeks after desperately asking Him to make the pain more bearable
So this is how it feels to not want to and not know how to answer, “How are you?”
I am sorry, baby Emily.
If there is something I should not have done but did ,
If there is something I should have done that didn’t,
I am sorry.
I am so sorry.
I am sorry I will never get to hold you
I am sorry I will never get to see you coo, smile, laugh and say Mama for the first time
I am sorry I will never get to brush your hair or see you blissfully get dizzy as you spin in your whirly twirly dress
I am sorry I will never get to bring you to our breakfast picnics at the church parking lot
I am sorry i will never get to read to you the not-your-ordinary princess books that I have been secretly collecting even before Dadoy and I planned to have another baby
I am sorry I will never get to look at the 2014 family Christmas photo and say, “She was still so small here”.
I am sorry I will never get to do the many things I was looking forward to us doing together
I say goodbye to documenting my growing belly and finally introducing you to the world
I say goodbye to the plans of dressing you up as baby Princess Leia on a boring day
I say goodbye to the bahay kubo where you were supposed to spend countless hours with your Ate Raya
I say goodbye to the hand sewn baby dresses and ruffled diaper covers that I was going to make for you
I say goodbye to making “Go Aki!” banners with you for Kuya Aki’s jujitsu competitions
I say goodbye to our first Divisoria trip together when you reach your tenth birthday
I say goodbye to the priceless expression on your face when I tell you that I got us tickets to the concert of your favorite boy band
I wish you had the chance to meet your daddy. He is playful but firm. He will annoy you for his own entertainment, teach you things that I do not approve of and scoop you up and hug you tight when you are feeling low.
I wish you had the chance to meet your Kuya Aki. He was so looking forward to meeting you. He will make you be-not-sad-anymore invisible popcorn whenever he sees that you need some cheering up.
Well at least now, I can go to Megamall and learn how to ice skate with Aki and not worry if I fall.
I can now have that Thai massage that my body has been begging for.
Now I can run again. I surprised myself when I enjoyed my runs with Franco. Now we can run and run and run and not care.
At least now I don’t have to deal with the discomforts that come with pregnancy.
I won’t be a zombie again as I pacify with a crying infant at 2AM.
Whoever said changing soiled diapers is fun, must be mental.
Unsafe sharp corners, picky eating, public tanrums and terrible twos. I won’t have to go thru all those anymore.
My life will go back to normal
But normal is not what I want.
Goodbye my sweet little angel. Goodbye.
PS I wrote this the day after we found out.
I did not want to post this initially. I try to veer away from posts that are too personal or are too depressing. This post is both. But when it was most painful, what helped me was reading other women’s experiences about their own miscarriage. If you are a grieving mother-to-be, tight tight hugs to you. The pain will not be there forever.
And in case you are wondering, I am feeling better. Much better. Not okay but better than days ago. I actually had not cried for 2 days until my friend Cye asked me earlier, “How are you?”
Please include me in your prayers. I just want to move one with my life but I still have to go thru some lab tests and possibly some treatments related to the failed pregnancy.
🙂 😦 🙂 😦
BIG BIG THANK YOU TO EVERYONE WHO READ, PRAYED, COMMENTED, EMAILED, SENT MESSAGES VIA FACEBOOK OR SMS, OR EVEN BAKED CUPCAKES TO MAKE ME FEEL BETTER. SUPER THANK YOU!
Yes, I may have lost my blogging mojo but I am logged on to WordPress now because Aki’s summer project is just so cute not to share.
So tell me is this sooooo cute or is this so cuuuuuute?
Honestly, if you assign a peso value to the effort in buying the ingredients, the creativity to come up with new flavors, the labor that we put it in to make these babies , and not to mention, the electricity and freezer space, the measly 20 bucks that we earn on a good day is not worth all the hassle. But, seeing Aki beaming with pride every time he makes a sale, is beyond priceless.
Aside from the value of hardwork, we also hope that through this project, Aki will master addition and subtraction.